High Fidelity

Top Five Adult Themed Jokes. CENSORED.

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A guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of whiskey and a glass.

“Something wrong, pal?” asks the bartender.

“Ah, my wife’s pissed,” the guy says. “The other day was my birthday, and she got naked and told me I could do whatever I wanted with her.”

“Nice,” says the bartender. “So what’s the problem?”

“I sent her to her mother’s house.”







A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat, and a wave of nervous anticipation washes over him.

Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, “Business trip or vacation?”

The woman turns, smiles and says, “Business. I’m going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago.”

The man swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she says. “I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really,” he says. “What myths are those?”

“Well,” she explains, “one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it’s men of Jewish decent.”

Suddenly, the women becomes very embarrassed and blushes. “I'm sorry,” she says, “I shouldn’t be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!”

“Tonto” the man says as he extends his hand. “Tonto Goldstein.”





A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stands up to leave a bar and falls flat on his face.
“Maybe all I need is some fresh air,” he thinks as he crawls outside. Once outside, he tries to stand up again, but falls face first in the mud.
“Screw it,” he thinks. “I’ll just crawl home, then.”
The next morning, his wife finds him in the hallway, asleep. “You went out drinking last night, didn’t you?” she asks.
“How’d you know?” he replies, angered by the implications.
“You left your wheelchair at the bar again.”



Q.  Why are women such bad drives? 

A.  Because there's no road from the kitchen to the bedroom.


CENSORED.  This joke is too hot for the DePaul Server.  We are, after all, a Catholic University.


Email me your list at jkosmach@students.depaul.edu,  and maybe if I like it, I'll post it here.  Oh, but don't bother if I don't know who you are, I probably won't even read your mail.  Sorry.